Sam stared at the picture he kept of her in his wallet, bright, beautiful, and alive. Two weeks she'd been dead. Two weeks today. Tonight. Later tonight would be the exact moment two weeks ago she died.
Jess was dead.
Sam had taken an axe handle to his sternum once, courtesy of a poltergeist in a fire house, but even that pain wasn't as bad as the crushing ache he felt there now. He wondered how he was even breathing anymore, it hurt so bad. The single reason he was glad he had survived Jess's death was so he could kill the thing that had killed her.
Dean came back to the picnic table from the car with two more beers. They were at an outdoor barbecue place in the little town of Basalt, Colorado. The Wendigo was dead, Haley's family was reunited, and Sam felt like all the skin on his body was being scoured off from grief. His clothes on his skin hurt. The cold beer in his fingers hurt. Even the wind blowing across his face hurt.
Sam stared at the picture of Jess again and pressed his thumb over it. Dinner was done and they were just resting a few more minutes before they got on the road again.
A couple of tears spilled over his eyes and down his face and he scrubbed them away and even though Dean pretended not to notice, Sam knew he noticed everything. He gave one last look to Jess's picture, closed his wallet and shoved it back into his jacket pocket and finished half of his second beer in a few swallows.
It didn't make him hurt any less.
He shook his head and finished his beer. If it ever did hurt less, it would only be because he'd gone numb. And maybe numb wasn't such a bad idea. He wouldn't care if he never felt anything again.
"C'mon, we outta here? I want t'get back on the road." Dean asked after another few minutes.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready. I guess."
They walked across the parking lot to the car and Dean walked close enough that his arm pressed against Sam's and Sam didn't move away.